Thursday, December 17, 2009

Computer Down

Well my computer is finally up and working. I had a nasty virus which took me some time to get rid of. Chances are i picked up this virus on facebook! Who knows! Anyway, my computer was down for awhile and once my hard drive was reformated, i then found out that i didn't remember the address for this site as i was always able to access it from my favorites before. Anyway no excuses. I have been still able to keep on track for the most part, this time of year is always hard on me. I love christmas too much and really enjoy holiday treats. I did want to make at least one post before i leave. In 4 more sleeps my family and i are on a plane heading to Florida!!! We are very excited! I am going to miss all the normal holiday tradition, its been kinda sad not to set up my tree! But i just tell myself its only one year!! And how often will my kids get christmas dinner with winnie the pooh!!!! i think next year i will be making the trip to my grammas house for xmas. Its been far toooo many years since i spent Christmas with that part of my family. I got the pleasure to spend easter with them last year. This year, after this trip i wont make it there for easter. The Budget just wont allow it so im going to make plans for christmas!! I have fond memories of my grandparents house at christmas!! Altho my grandpa is no longer with us, things wont be the same without him.

Anyway, holidays have kind of thrown me off and im sure florida wont help either so as soon as i get back its back to the gym!!

I hope everyone has a great Christmas and a wonderful New Year!!!!

Monday, November 23, 2009

4 Pounds Down!!

Well i am down 4 lbs!!! Doesn't sound like a lot when its written on here but i know its a good start. Who ever would have thought this journey would be soooo hard. Seems like i have ups and downs every day. With life being busy, its sooo easy to get off track. A normal monday: up at 7 kids up eating breakfast, getting kearstin ready for school, first kid shows up 730. kearstin off to school at 8, depending on the day i have anywhere from 4 to 7 kids that i watch. so between kids, laundry, lunch, cleaning, and anything else in my house that needs to get done that often doesn't, kids start going home at 4 and kearstin is off the bus at 4 too. she sits and does homework and i struggle to help her. (so much has changed with the new math ciriculum its crazy) make supper, all kids gone by 5, eat supper, get kids cleaned up, dishes and kitchen tidy, kearstin ready for tkd, leave for tkd at 630 home 830, kids washed, pjs ready for bed, 9 is gym time home between 1030 and 11. then i shower and go to bed. somewhere in that time i have to eat and count calories its tough. altho when my husband is home i definetly have help which is great but sometimes i feel i just have a third kid. Not all the days of the week are that busy tho. Im not totally crazy. just mondays and wednesdays.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Ugh Day 4

Man i would have thought that by now my muscles would be not as sore, clearly that is not so. I have been changing up my workout every day. Sometimes treadmill and elliptical, sometimes bike and treadmill. Also im becoming a lot more comfortable with all the other equipment in the gym. Instead of being scared of it, its actually a lot of fun. But my legs, arms and abs soooooo do not agree, i just got back an hour ago and my arms and legs are still like jello. I only do three days a week weight training, so they get a break in between. I also have noticed that my stamina for cardio is improving. It takes longer for my muscles to start to burn, so im going to start adding more incline and resistance. I want my body to be challenged, my workouts shouldn't be easy. Its funny, i was scared shitless to start at the gym, and now im realizing that my only fear was trying. Now that im going i love it. I hated that i gained back some weight when i wasn't working out. Its really scary how fast it goes back on when you dont take care of yourself. My weight starting out again was 210 and already in 4 days i have lost 2 lbs. Im really happy about it. A set back just makes you realize how hard i have to work and how easy it will be for me to fall off. Im not a quitter, and im not going to quit this.

Monday, November 9, 2009

Day 2 Back To The Gym

Hey All!
Dont think that i have forgotten about what i started. Everything got side tracked for awhile. Starting again was the hardest thing. It was always "ok back to work tomorrow" and tomorrow came and went. So Friday i went to snap fitness, and signed up. I didn't want the commitment of a year long membership so i was happy to hear that at snap you can sign up on a monthly term. So Dwayne and i now have a joint membership and its really affordable. Working out at home was definetly more convenient but my treadmill decided to die this summer. Not to mention i just dont have room for it. Saturday was the first day, and it was really fun. It was nice not to be limited to just running on the treadmill. I also found that the elliptical was so much easier on my knee and got my heart rate up faster. 45 minutes on the elliptical and 20 minutes on the spin bike left my legs feeling like jello. Altho i really missed how i felt after working out. I had forgotten how good your body feels when you make it move. I have also forgotten how much it hurts the next morning. My legs, abs, arms and sides were ACHING the next morning. But as i got moving around and had a shower they started to feel better. Last night at the gym i did my 1 hr on the treadmill and 20 minutes on the elliptical. Today im still sore but no where near as sore as yesterday. Another nice thing about going to the gym instead of working out at home is I CAN LEAVE MY HOUSE!! Dont get me wrong i love staying home with my kids. But when i leave to go to the gym i get to forget about the kids for 2 hours. Forget about cleaning, and cooking and all the other household worries and just be alone. Funny when your younger you never want to be alone and when your older you just wish you had 5 more minutes alone.

Eating has been going alright the whole time, altho the snacking needs work. I made a really great chopped steak with a really great sauce last night for supper. My husband and kids ate it all up and i dont even think that they realized it was good for them lol. So i thought i would share the tasty recipe with you guys.

In a large bowl, mix 1 pound of lean ground beef, 5 tablespoons of parsley, and 1/2 teaspoon of salt until well combined. Divide the mixture into 4 equal portions and form into 1' thick oval patties. Season evenly with pepper, pressing it into the patties on all sides.
Place a large nonstick skillet over high heat. When hot, lightly mist with olive oil spray. Add the patties and cook for 2 to 4 minutes per side, or until the outside is brown and the insides are very slightly less done than desired. Transfer the steaks to a platter and cover to keep warm.
Respray the pan off the heat, then place over medium heat. Add the onions and cook, stirring, for about 5 minutes, or until tender. Add the 1 1/3 cups of grape juice and 1/4 cup of balsamic vinegar and return heat to high. Boil for 9 to 11 minutes, or until the liquid is reduced to about 1/2 cup. Place the steaks on each of 4 serving plates and top with onions and sauce. Sprinkle with parsley and serve!
Per Serving: 271 calories, 24g protein, 32g carbohydrates, 5g fat (2g saturated), 60mg cholesterol, 3 g fiber, 372mg sodium

Monday, June 29, 2009

Life Getting Back To Normal

I know its been forever since i have written, i guess im not a consistant blogger. Life is getting back to normal now. Break up was SLOW but work is picking up in grande prairie and everything seems soooo much better. Dwayne is now busy at work, kinda wish i had my car back but oh well. My dayhome is full for the summer anyway. Which is great, i love being able to be home with my kids and still pay bills. In fact i make more money this way than if i was to go back to work. Not to mention i dont want to miss out on anything. So thankfully money is no longer a worry, and im so glad too. Life is too short to have to worry about stuff like money. Our savings account is back where it was before the slow time, mind you a little chunk of the savings was spent on a boat but that too has been replaced. We also have been doing some quiet house hunting. The house we are in right now, altho its great, we are looking for something of our own. We weren't sure that we would be approved because we still own a mobile home in clairmont, which we are renting out. But seeing that our renters have been consistant with paying thier rent, the bank has giving us a new mortgage!!!! We now are the owners of a really great house!!! We get possesion Aug 1st!!! Whats really great and sad at the same time is that the mortgage payment is significantly less than the rent we pay now!!! Not to mention that the heating and electricity should be lower too being that this is an older house and the windows leak and such. The new house is less than 2 yrs old so there will be soooooo much less maintenance.
Anyway, back on the subject of wieght loss since that is what this blog is for. Process has been slow but im still losing. seems to be about 2 lbs every two weeks. which i think is still great as long as that number keeps getting smaller im happy! Altho once moved into the new house, i definetly need to get back to work. My weight training has been staggered, and not very consistant. Snacking and pop have kinda moved back in, but as of today diet is back on and im again posting in my log book. I thought that i would be able to keep the diet up with out tthe log book but its harder than i thought. In the past months i have lost almost 25 lbs and im very happy with that, altho according to my trainer it should have been more. But in my eyes, everything in life isn't always going to go as planned. Some things take longer than expected. Its just sad that it doesn't take very long to put the weight on but takes sooooo long to take it off. Anyway i am going to try to get back on track. Working out, eating right and blogging more!!!

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

I have been very anxious this week. I'm very excited about my trip. I'm excited for the kids also. I want them to meet everyone. Altho Kearstin has met alot of my family, She unfortunatly wouldn't remember them. Sadly enough it has been that long since i have seen them.
Even tho i am so excited i am also very disappointed. My dad was supposed to go along on this trip and i was looking forward to the time with him, not only for me but the kids too. But again he has let me down. On his facebook and msn i have been reading all week that he has been going to auctions all over. Then last night i get a message that he cant afford to go and that ill be going by myself. It hurts that he couldn't just keep away from all the unneccessary crap and think of his kids and grandkids for once. Him and i have been planning this trip for over two months so its not like he didn't know that it was coming. The thing that makes me the most angry is that i let it happen again. Being let down by him is something that has been happening my whole life and i was silly to think that things would change.

My diet and workouts have been going good. Pounds are still coming off, slowly but they are coming off. I tryed on a pair of pants that i haven't worn for a real long time and i zipped them up and didn't want to cry lol. It felt great to know that all the hard work is paying off and that i am really doing what i have been trying so hard to do. I still have a long road ahead of me but hey one pair of pants is a huge start and right now ill take it. People around me are starting to notice that i have lost weight and complimenting me and i think now thats what i needed to boost the confidence and gain back my motivation. Sometimes i guess you just need a push!!

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Month 2

Well i made my month one goal of 10 pounds, i was positive i would have lost more just on the first week itself. After the first week it slowly decrease and im having to really push myself now for results. Im definetly not discouraged tho, ten pounds is great and 5.5 more and ill be under 200 lbs and thats awesome. I will jump for joy when i hit that milestone and don't ever want to return to that. I took a few days off from my workout, my body needed the rest. But now today i feel better, Hayden sleeping thru the night may have something to do with that. I am bumping up my cardio from 30 minutes to 45. Im sure my calves will hate me later but im working up to an hour so its been long enough. Weight training is going great the weights dont feel as heavy so its almost time to bump that up too. Altho im not body building so i am not going higher than 15 lbs. I bought some resistance tubing and its great. Gives the same effect as the weights and can be used together to make it more of a challenge. And did i tell everyone how much i hate squats, my poor butt hurt so much the next day.

Well its been a busy week again, trying to get some spring cleaning done before my trip. Its been tough with Hayden being sick. Poor little guy has a pretty nasty cold despite all the oranges him and his dad consume. His nose is runny and he cant seem to breath out of his nose. He has a pretty nasty cough too, and it makes me sad i cant do much to help him. I did find some triaminic nasal spray for infants and it really helped him sleep last night so that was great. He went right from teething to being sick so his sleeping hasn't been great.

Between that and the stress of Kearstin not coming home from school for 4 days in a row has taken a toll. She seems to think that playing in the park and not coming home isn't a big deal. But i have tryed and tryed to get thru to her that i worry. I sit here hoping shes at the park but the idea of her getting picked up by a stranger isn't far from my mind. That is one of my biggest fears of her getting older. Did I teach her enough about strangers? Would she go near a vehicle asking her to get in? Would she know what to do if the situation did happen? I guess i just have to keep stressing how important it is that i know where she is at all times. AHHHHH GIRLSSSSSSS!!!!! I know i know i was a young girl that didn't want to listen to my parents too. But hopefully i can use my mistakes to better educate her and thats all i want. I just want her to have and do things i couldn't.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Well this last week has been crazy! Dwayne recieved a pay cut from his salary, so we are scrambling to sell my car to make up the difference. Stress is hindering when your trying to lose weight!! But, i think i have been handling it pretty good. My diet got kinda off track, not eating bad, just not following as closely as i should have been. It showed in the numbers too. I didn't gain but i sure wasn't losing as good as i was at the start. So this week im back on track!! I have been still working out every day, ive even added some extra exercises to the mix. Although i need to find a better skipping rope, the one i bought is not very good! Ive been doing my ab workout on the yoga ball instead of just on the floor and man is it ever a difference. I can feel a lot more of my muscles being challanged. Not just in my abs, in my back and sides too!! Saturday is another weigh in, and also time to upgrade my measurements. Myself, i dont see much of a difference. 10 pounds is great but i dont believe it makes much difference in inches but i like to be proved wrong. My husband said " You look skinnier today!" and coming from my husband who isn't much of a complimenter that feels great! The actual weight loss is slow, but my body feels so much better already. My breathing has improved and movement too. I have more energy during the day and feel less tired.

Oh and 16 more days til my trip south!!! Im so excited!!!

Friday, March 20, 2009

I know its been awhile since i posted last. The last week has been going good, minus my laptop crashing. Im hoping that when i leave for easter that my dad will have a chance to fix it. Somehow i recieved a virus on it and its affecting the booting up process. I have formatted the harddrive twice and no luck. I would hate to have to buy a new laptop, because i have only had this one for a short time. But now im on Kearstins laptop, only problem is that i have the parental controls so high that its a pain to get on any site unless i wanted to play on

This week has been going well, the diet is still going. I bought the Biggest Loser Cookbook, i needed to find some new recipes because i was tired of eating the same thing over and over. Yesterday i whipped up a pot of turkey chili, and it was awesome. Not as great as regular chili but still really tasty. I made enough to freeze some so ill have some for awhile as no one else here eats chili. Last night for supper i made meatballs subs for Dwayne and i. The were messy but really good and only 384 calories. I was finding it really hard to eat all the protein and 2000 calories was really high so i am following the diet plan in the biggest loser book. Less Calories but roughly the same plan.

Exercise is going really good. I feel great, only my back has been really sore the past few days. I blame the back pain on my heavy chest. Once i have lost some more weight i will be going for a reduction. Im tired of my back and shoulders being sore, paying 85 dollars for a bra, and having trouble all the time finding shirts that fit proper. Everything that fits my bust never fits anywhere else. Some women lose thiers when they have kids, not me. With Kearstin they got bigger and stayed that way. With Hayden they got bigger again and stayed that way. A 40E is way to big, and i dont understand women that get implants. Why on earth would you need them THIS BIG!!! But back to what i started talking about, the exercise is good. My stamina is getting way better and i can do longer stints on the treadmill and faster too. I feel great when i work out and right away if i miss a day i feel sluggish and tired. Im happy with the way things are going.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

week 2

This week is going ok. My body is a little tired but thats too be expected. Im noticing that when i run upstairs i dont feel as winded. So i guess my air intake is getting better. Im hoping that the exercise will help my asthma. The past year has been rough. My allergies and asthma were not as bad when i was younger and in better shape.

Diet wise, has been great my body is adjusting to the protein intake and soon my calorie intake should decrease. Last night i ran for 30 minutes and then went thru my circuit training twice. Man that was rough. My legs felt like bananas, soft and mushy. But one thing is for sure, i SLEEP 100 times sounder lol. Too bad Hayden hasn't been running too lol. He is on his second round of teething and boy hes GROUCHY!!! Hopefully the little biter comes thru soon so we can all get some sleep. He and i were up from 330 am til 6am and i had to be up at 7am. I did find some natural teething stuff at the health food store. Its called Camilia and its amazing. Works way faster than tylenol and doesn't dope him up. The first tooth took about a week and it came out, im hoping this one is a little faster. My poor little baby.

Well i was curious this morning so i jumped on my scale. I wanted to make sure that things were still going as i hoped they were. I have my second weigh in with Janine on friday. So the number today was 208.4, I wanted to jump up and down. 7 pounds, its amazing and i cant figure out why i didn't start this sooner. We are going to DisneyWorld for Christmas this year, it was our present to the kids. We have it booked early because we got an amazing seat sale. Regular price out of GP was 1505 per person return. We paid 525 per person return. Hayden is still free so that helps a little. My sister in law owns a timeshare, that is what we are going to stay in. Its beautiful and i cant wait. By then im hoping to have peace of mind that my bathing suit wont look horrible. I want to be able to play on the beach with my kids and not have to be completely covered. Im not asking for a bikini body lol but feeling comfortable in a one piece would be great.

My trip south is approching fast, and im hoping the weather is going to cooperate. Its been a VERY long time since i seen some of my family. Its no ones fault but mine. I went thru a bad time in my life. I left a very troubled and bad relationship. I dealt with this by running away. Mind you i met my AMAZING husband here so it wasn't all bad. But i distanced my self from the ones i love the most. I miss them all terribly. But now my life is good, and i am not ashamed of things now. Im proud of what i have accomplished. I put myself thru school, and graduated with high honors. i have two beautiful and amazing kids, and a wonderful husband who is supportive. I may have dealt with things in a not so great way but it worked out in the end. Im excited to see everyone and excited for them to meet my son. Hes a great kid!! And some of my family hasn't seen Kearstin since she was small. Now shes 8 going on 15, but overall shes a great girl. Very funny, and consious of others. Her smile is beautiful.

Sunday, March 8, 2009

First Weigh In

Well conflicting schedules resulted in a phone weigh in. Janine ended up having her self double booked for the weekend which was fine. So with her on the phone, I jumped on the scale. I was scared out of my mind and extremely nervous. Definetly not how i expected to feel. But to my relief, I am down 4.2 lbs in ONE week!!!!! I felt great! Janine explained that the first few weeks might be numbers like that but after a while it will slow down and ill have to work harder for the same weight loss. Now I have shocked my body, its not used to exercising and eating right.
Last night was fight night, which usually comes beer and chips and numerous other snacks. I restrained myself and didn't give into the temptation of chips (my weakness). I did my workout, had my protein shake, and had my alloted 100 cal snack. Not to mention that Janine told me about diet gingerale, and diet orange crush which are sweetened with splenda not aspartane. They do still have sodium in them so you still shouldn't drink them all the time, but as an occasional treat they are great. So the UFC fight night wasn't as horrible as i thought it was going to be.
Today we went and checked out the Home Show at the tech centre. Entered our names in some draws. Would sure love to win the 15000 dollars worth of backyard furniture and stuff!!!
But again temptation followed, the tech centre was full of smells, mini donuts, popcorn, poutine, burgers. We drank our bottles of water, skipped the aisle with the mini donuts and walked right by the consession. Was HARD, but we managed. I think having a good weigh in was what helped me stay away from the junk.

Friday, March 6, 2009

Trip To The ER

Well just when i thought every thing was going good, i felt a cold sore coming on. My dr had prescribed valtrax for them and told me when i feel one coming out to take two and then two more 12 hrs later. Well i took 2 and went to bed and woke up at five am with itchy swollen feet and hands. I went to the emergency room and found that i would need my wedding rings cut off or i would lose my finger. So finally the nurse was able to use the BONE CUTTERS and get them off. They gave me prednisone and something else that has made me sick to my stomach and Very tired. But on the good side of things, i still have my finger. Monday i will take my wedding rings to the jeweller and see if they are fixable. It is the first time in 15 mths that i have had them off.
So for the diet, i haven't been able to eat much because of the nausea. Toast and crackers so hopefully it wont slow me down to much. Its lunch and im feeling a little better, im gonna nap with the kids and then hopefully get the rest of the day back to normal. Will only be doing my cardio tonight as my body is far to tired to be doing weights. My first weigh in with Janine is first thing in the morning, im scared because today was a set back but am optimistic that i have worked hard all week and praying that it will pay off. Wish Me Luck!!!

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Feeling better!!

Well yesterday was a little better than the day before. The exercise is going great my muscles are not as sore. Which makes actually starting the work out way easier. Im getting quicker on the treadmill too which is good. But half way thru, my calves are still on fire. The weight training is going good, i can go thru the circuit much faster than the first time. So tonight I am going to do the circuit twice and see how that goes. Dwayne and i did our work out together last night. That was very nice, lightened the mood for sure. I enjoy his company so much and its few and far between to have moments together without our kids. Its so refreshing to know that i have his support thru all of this. Knowing that hes going thru it too kind of eases my mind.

Im still struggling with the high protein diet. I've been doing a lot of researching about it online and it definetly has its pros and cons. Long term can be harmful to your kidneys and other organs. Thankfully i will only be on it for 3 months. That will be the fat shredding portion of this weight loss. But on the good side, high protein diets help turn fat into lean muscle mass. Which is exactly what i want, so they tell me anyway. As i lose weight my protein intake decreases along with my calorie intake until i can be changed to a healthy Maintenance diet. Thats what im looking forward to, not having to lose weight but just to stay healthy. I want my kids and us to be healthy. But eating this much protein is hard, so i went to walmart and bought protein powder to make protein shakes. Mixed with fruit they aren't half bad but not so great by themselves. Altho it beats plain eggwhites all the time lol.

Saturday is my first weigh in, i'm scared but know that i have been doing my workout and following the meal plan pretty good so every thing should be fine. Janine tells me that 1-2 pounds a week is about average. At 215, i have a very long road ahead of me. I'm excited tho, i cant wait to start seeing results!!!

Monday, March 2, 2009


I guess i had no idea how much i really was going to hurt today. It was hard to get out of bed but here i am. Today so far consisted of fibre plus waffle and strawberries, and turkey bacon which i can tell you would be great if you weren't a small town country girl like me. Bacon is supposed to be pork and come from a slab but once im down in weight my meal plan changes and REAL bacon can be added again. Snack was 1 cup of cottage cheese, blahhhhh not a real fan of cottage cheese but mixed with fruit i was able to swallow it. Lunch was a salad, with tomatoe and chicken which was great but being on a high protien diet for the first few months is crazy. But if it works i guess its worth it. After supper i have to run Kearstin to taekwon do, and then pick up wieghts, an exercise ball, and a yoga mat. Luckily thats all i have to purchase to do my workout. I have the treadmill already which hasn't been used often unfortunatly. Better late than never lol. As for the soreness, a hot shower helped tremendously. I'm sure once i work out tonight it will loosen them up some more. Mind you i keep in my mind that i will never hurt as much as my hubby will tomorrow lol. He is supporting my weighloss with one of his own. My personal trainer, Janine, runs a Bootcamp. My strong willed hubby was up at 5 am so that he could attend this bootcamp at 6am. He came home very flushed and tired. When i think of my 30 minute workout is nothing compared to the 1 hour of HARD circuit training that he went thru this morning. We have both decided that we love our kids too much to be over weight and lazy. Our kids deserve parents that will play with them and just be alive. Janine informed me that because i carry most of my weight in my chest and stomach i am at huge risk for heart disease. At only 25, im just starting my life. I couldn't believe that i was at risk of having a heart attack. That just made it more clear to me that my husband and i have to do something to save our lives. My Aunt sent me a message the other day and it was extremely motivating and inspirational!! "develop compassion for ourselves...begin to understand that our eating comes from a deep sacred place within us. You are not using food because you lack control, are undisciplined, or are flawed, but because it is the only way you can take care of yourself...learn new ways to take care of yourself." And that is exactly what i plan to do!!!

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Day 2!!!

I always told myself that quiting smoking would be the hardest thing i would ever have to do but boy was i wrong. Yesterday just getting my meal plan, i thought well this isn't going to be too bad. Although today i realized that to jump start my metabolizm i have to eat more often and more of some things and less of others. The diet is going ok so far. I am going to miss my night time snacking tho. Today i met with Janine for the fitness part of my training. WOW, she kicked my butt. I knew that i was out of shape but man after the first day my body feels like a tractor ran me over. She assures me that this is only temporary and that as i get stronger, my body wont hurt as much. I know this is true, but damn my legs feel like jello and my muscles are aching. But tomorrow im going to get up and do it all again. 30 minutes of total body workout and 30 minutes of Cardio on my treadmill three times a week and 1 hour of cardio the rest of the week. Janine is optimistic that i will have lost at least 2.5 pounds by Sat, ill believe that when i see it lol. One thing i thought of while my legs felt as tho they were going to give out, was Kearstin and Hayden. I want nothing more that to be able to run around with them. They are my inspiration and my motivation.

Saturday, February 28, 2009

Day 1!!

Well in a million years i never thought that it would come to this. I've finally decided that today was the day, today was the day that i would commit to losing weight. When i was younger and before i had kids, i never need to watch what i ate. I ate what i wanted and when i wanted it. Now, that isn't the case. In the past 3 and a half years, i have gained a gross amount of weight, and now at 25 and only standing 5 foot 3 inches, i weigh a gastly 215lbs. Altho i was never modelesque nor do i want to be, i do however want to be able to play with my kids for more than 10 minutes without having to have a break. I run up stairs and i'm winded. I have no energy and snacking has become my hobby. I dont feel comfortable in my own skin. My biggest problem so far with this is, i'm at war with myself. Part of me says " Whatever, eat what you want, it tastes good!" but i know in my heart that i need to be healthy, not only for me but for my kids. I dont ever want them to feel lost in their own body, or feel ashamed of themselves. So today i met with Janine, my new personal trainer. We talked about my goals for the future, and what i wanted out of this journey. My main goal is to extend my life, so i can be here for my kids because they are my whole world. Janine did my measurements and measured my body fat and what scared me the most is I almost have the equivelant of my 8 year old daughter in body fat. I felt sick to my stomach that i have let things get so far out of hand but felt relieved that i was taking the first step to a better life. The idea of this blog was mine, not too try to get pity or make people feel sympathetic, but just for my own support of myself. I figure if i have a rotton day i can look back at all of this and see what a huge effort i have been making and still need to make. Tomorrow, is the fitness part of my training session. Im excited to get started and scared silly all at the same time. My body is out of shape, and i know im going to be sore the next day. But for some reason, this time it isn't scaring me out of it. I am finally aware of what i have to do. Like i said earlier, TODAY IS THE DAY!!!!